Time Doesn’t Matter

It’s true, in the grand scheme of things, time truly doesn’t matter. Regardless of how long you’ve known someone, you should never allow that to excuse their behavior or how they treat you. You also definitely shouldn’t stay with someone that isn’t right for you, no matter how long you’ve been together, no matter how “familiar” it all may seem. You could be with the same person for almost four and a half years, break up with them, find someone new, and be dating them within the next few months. I should know, because I’ve done it.

I’ve never written much about this part of my past. I never even really took to publicizing it all over my social media accounts. So I’m sure plenty of people have passed their own judgments on me, most likely because they’ve never learned the true story. Now I’m not going to go into great detail, name any names, or anything like that. I just want to shed some light on how even though it may have seemed like I was jumping from one guy to another, it really wasn’t like that at all. For some back story, I started dating my first boyfriend during my sophomore year of high school, and stayed with him right up until my junior year of college. I realize a lot of people would wonder why leave after staying for that long, but that was one of my main points for leaving. We stayed together mostly because it was comfortable, we didn’t know anything else, and I think we were too afraid to see what it was like to be alone. Don’t get me wrong, there were plenty of times that we should’ve broken up (or stayed broken up), but I was in love at the time. We both made our fair share of mistakes in the relationship, but in the end there was no trust, and without trust you can’t have a healthy relationship.

Before I left to go away to college, things were kinda rocky between us. To be honest I feel like they had been for a long time and we just chose to ignore it. We also never actually sat down and discussed how we were going to handle long distance since we had never been more than an hour away from each other during our entire relationship. I told myself we’d be fine, that we could do this, and that if we’ve been together this long then we might as well try. Well let me just say, had we actually had the conversation beforehand, we probably would’ve saved each other a whole lot of tears and heartache.

After being away at college for about a month, I picked up the phone one day and broke up with him. Just like that, almost four and a half years and it was done. I know it sounds cruel, and disrespectful, and pretty heartless, but I had to do it. Finally being away and on my own made me realize how unhappy I was. I was no longer the person I had known myself to be, the person that I had once loved. If you can’t love yourself, how are you supposed to love someone else? Once I was on my own, all I could find myself thinking about were all the lies and deceit that surrounded our relationship. I could only focus on all of the times he had done me wrong, and then I realized, I wasn’t in love with him anymore. I thought I had forgiven him for his past mistakes, I thought I could forgive and forget. Yet here I was, still aching over events that happened within the first year of our relationship. All this time I was putting everyone before myself, especially him, and I couldn’t do that anymore. No, I refused to do that anymore. It was time to focus on my own happiness for once, and I finally did just that.

Within the next month I was talking to a new guy that I had met at the college. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t immediately swoon over his southern accent, because I mean c’mon, being a girl from Jersey made the whole accent thing so foreign and extremely attractive.

swoon

Did I initially want to start a new relationship immediately? No. Did I want my ex to think that I had broken up with him just to hook up with guys at college? No. Can I control how I feel? Again, no. The last thing I was looking to do was to jump into another relationship, I mean, how could I? I just got out of this exhausting long-term one, and I needed some time to just be by myself. Well, like I said, I can’t help how I feel, and this guy made it very difficult to stay away from him.

Within that next month we were dating, and he even came up to visit me in Jersey for winter break. I felt myself falling in love with him, and pretty fast. I could also feel myself holding back for fear of other people’s judgement and any backlash I may get from my ex. That’s when I realized, who gives a shit? I had to stop caring about what he or anybody else thought about me and go after what I needed in my life: happiness. So advice tip #7: forget what other people think and just go for it. Kiss the boy, go to that party, wear that dress, take that road trip, do what makes you happy. Regardless of how hard you try you can’t please everyone, so you might as well please yourself. Once I started dating my current boyfriend, I was honestly the happiest I had been in a long time. I’m still just as happy to this day. We’ve been dating for almost three years now, and we’re getting ready to move into a house together.

So, did I get into a relationship almost immediately after my previous one? Yes. Does that make me a bad person? I’d like to think not, but you’re all entitled to your own opinions I suppose. I hope this clears up things for anyone that may have wondered what exactly went wrong with my past relationship. If it doesn’t clarify things, oh well, I’ve said my peace!

Until next time, my friends.

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